The Head & The Heart

Aubrey Nicole Photography

I wear my heart on my sleeve. I care about the people in my life with deep, intense and passionate emotion. Sounds scary, huh? That tends to be the initial reaction unless you know me well. I do believe it is normal to back away from someone who may seem to come on too strong or care too much. The sad part though is those people who do, like me, can be considered as ‘crazy’ or ‘psycho’ because we may be going the extra mile to get to know someone or fight for too long to stay in someone’s life. I care and love too profoundly, regardless of the attention or care I get in return—it is both my biggest strength and my biggest weakness. Can anyone else relate?  

Sometimes, I feel so profoundly for someone that it clouds all of my judgment. It may be a guy I have feelings for, and I want them to make an effort to get to know me as much as I am to get to know them. Or it may be a friend that I’ve become close with, and I can feel them beginning to drift away so I do everything I can do try to keep them in my life. As I say this, the most important thing to keep in mind is there are at least two perspectives to every situation. Maybe that guy I liked felt that I was coming on too strong, or trying too hard, whereas I thought I was making a reasonable amount of effort. Maybe that friend that was beginning to leave my life had something else going on, and for whatever reason decided they didn’t want to include me in it. Therefore, my fight for our friendship to remain the same may have pushed them farther away.

I read this eye-opening quote recently that said, “your worst battle is between what you know and what you feel.” I relate to this heavily because I tend to rely solely on what I feel, and completely disregard what I know. In other words, I have let my emotions control me, which would then lead me to try to control other people and the way they would respond to things. What’s worse, is if that person didn’t respond the way I wanted or the way I was expecting, then I became very disappointed because I had put that person on an unrealistic pedestal. This has never been fair to those people or me.

It is that crazy battle between the head and the heart that can make or break any situation. If I had given space to that guy I had a crush on, maybe he would’ve come back around. Or after several attempts in saving my relationship with my friend, it may have gotten better if I had just backed off and let them come back when they were ready. It’s difficult to know what the right choice might’ve been, and replaying it over and over isn’t going to change what happened. It’s a balance between what your heart wants and what your head is saying. What I mean is there may come a time where the haze lifts and you decide to walk away from that person.

This does not necessarily mean you are walking away from them forever, it just means you will no longer be putting all of your time and energy into someone who isn’t doing that for you. I don’t believe walking away has anything to do with weakness, I believe it takes a lot of strength to back away from someone you care about. It’s also a sense of respect for yourself--to allow yourself some peace in the situation. Everyone is different, but If I love someone, friend or not, I won’t give up on them easily. I stay because I believe in fighting for the people I care about and love. Leaving or moving forward without that person is usually my last option, however, if that person continues to push me away or fight against me, then I will eventually walk away knowing I gave it everything I could.

It is said that if someone wants to be in your life they will make an effort. In the past I had a difficult time believing this--I almost felt like I needed to convince someone to stay in my life. How awful is that? One of the best things I’ve learned so far in life is never to let anyone treat me like I’m an option. It’s not a true friendship or relationship if someone is reaching out only when they need or want something. You are worth more; you are more valuable than that.  If someone is making you feel like you don’t belong in their world anymore, it’s okay to move ahead without them. You may love them, but you have to love yourself more. When it’s a real, true, genuine relationship, you won’t even think about walking away.