Owning Your Mistakes

Have you ever made a mistake in your life that was so unbelievably mortifying you just wanted to crawl into your bed and never leave? Or escape to a lost island and never come back? I guarantee you, we all have. In my personal experience, I feel like the lowest of the low when this happens. I can’t stop thinking about it, and I go over it again and again in my head wondering how I could’ve done things differently, and how much better the situation would’ve been if I had approached it in a different way.

Recently, I disappointed a few people that I admire greatly—people I would never ever want to upset or disappoint. In your life, this could be anyone: a family member, a dear friend, a co-worker. I will be honest, I have a fear of disappointing people, as I imagine many do. It’s scary when someone begins to lose their faith or trust in you over a mistake that you’ve made. When this happens, I sometimes feel this gripping need to do whatever I can to fix it, and apologize endlessly until I think they might begin to forgive me. But that’s the point. What else can you do?

I had a thought: why do we feel the need to grovel at someone’s feet every time we make a mistake, especially the minor ones? It is one thing to apologize once, twice, or maybe three times, but to continuously beg for mercy is another thing. Most people generally know the saying that “mistakes happen” or “you’re human, learn from it and move on.” I’m not denying that these statements are true, they are more than true, however I think we need to take a moment to put some perspective around the circumstance. How many people actually “let things go” right away? Unfortunately, I don’t have a study or a percentage to give you an idea, but from my personal experience and seeing the experiences of my loved ones, letting go of an embarrassing or difficult situation can be extremely difficult.

Day after day we beat ourselves down, obsessing over the circumstance, wanting it to change or wishing we hadn’t done what we did. We also long to “learn from it and move on,” but something inside of us won’t let that happen--like guilt or self-loathing. Maybe, it’s something you’re in denial about, and don’t want to acknowledge because it just makes you want to disappear into a black hole. Why do we torture ourselves this way? Instead of attempting to get into the “moving on” phase right away, could there be another solution?

The more I've thought about it, I’ve wondered what the result would be if we did everything we could to prevent the mistake from happening again instead of begging for forgiveness. So, one sincere apology, no groveling, and trying our best not to repeat it in the future. This is taking ownership and action for our mistakes, so instead of initially making an attempt to mentally learn from it, we physically learn from it. This seems like common knowledge, but it also depends on the situation. I can’t tell you how many times I haven’t been able to let something go and kept apologizing because I thought that alone would fix or help the issue. Apologize, yes, but don’t repeat it over and over. If you continuously apologize, it will become less and less genuine to those you are apologizing to. Instead, work hard to show that person or those people that you can do and be better; that you are someone they can continue to trust and look to. In my opinion, this would help us to forgive ourselves, move forward, and put what we’ve learned into action.