Cyber Lies

After a somewhat extended hiatus, I am back to write about a topic that I know a lot of people, especially in my generation, can relate to. I want to talk about social media: how much we use it and how it can greatly affect our mental health. I don’t know about you, but I use social media a sickening amount. I swear I could spend hours at a time jumping from Facebook to Snapchat to Instagram back to Facebook then Instagram, etc, etc. My mind drowns in it, sometimes to the point that I am completely unaware of my surroundings. Recently, I made a promise to myself to only check my phone in general 2 or 3 times during my 8-hour work shift during the weekdays. You have no idea how difficult it has been to keep that promise to myself because it has become such a profound habit in my life to look at it.

That being said, I can't help but wonder how many of my friends and family struggle with this as well. I miss the days where the only way to contact someone was to pick up the phone and call them. To hear someone's voice instead of trying to guess their emotions/expressions over text message, Snap Chat messages, Facebook messenger, Instagram messages...seems a little much, doesn't it? The options to stay in touch with people nowadays are endless, and in many ways I am grateful to have so many choices to keep in touch with my loved ones, near and far. However, it's no wonder no one talks on the phone anymore, and no wonder so many people (especially my age) hide behind their phone instead of picking it up to call someone.  We face people every day, and yet we struggle so much to have the same type of conversation with someone over the phone. We’ve built this imaginary bubble of anxiety around the thought of making or receiving a phone call. Not only that, but we spend so much of our time texting or searching on social media nowadays that we begin to compare our lives and accomplishments to those of other people, even though we have no idea what’s going on beyond the screen.

I'll use myself as an example: lately, I have been very blessed with several opportunities such as performing with a community theater, working as a social media/promotional coordinator for an Indie film, singing at a charity banquet and started doing some modeling. You would think, with all of these amazing things happening, I would be overjoyed, right? I'm going to take a moment to open up about myself to make a point. The truth is, I'm not happy as often as people think I am. I've had many people look at my photos or videos on social media and say something like, "Wow it looks like you're so happy and doing so amazing," but the reality is not all things are as they appear. I constantly feel I need to remind myself of this as well, because I also tend to compare the phases of my life to the phases of others.

To continue, I am extremely reluctant to confess that I suffer heavily from both anxiety and depression, and they can be crippling like you wouldn't believe. It is easily hidden, and sometimes can be silenced with distraction or simply doing my best to stuff it away so it doesn’t show.  Most people do not know this about me unless they know me really well. I have a good friend at work who just learned this about me the other day and her response was, "That is so surprising to me from the outside looking in." My point in sharing this with you isn't to seek any sort of empathy or sympathy, but to acknowledge the fact that someone may appear to be incredibly happy and doing well in their life through social media (or maybe even in person), but in reality they may be suffering from something else going on in their life.

I’ve started to realize more and more how perfect our lives look on social media, because most of the time we don’t write about or post the disappointing or sad things going on in our lives.  When we are suffering, we don’t want other people to know, and for some reason still find ourselves comparing our life to someone else’s simply because theirs appears to be picture-perfect. It’s a vicious cycle, and we all go through it. I believe this, mixed with the amount of time we spend on social media, adds a great deal of grief to our mental sanity. I don’t know about you, but when I put my phone away and focus on something else, it’s like a new world opens up to explore. I recently started to do my best to put it aside when I’m trying to focus on something else. Just a few nights ago I was sitting at a table in a restaurant waiting for one of my friends to arrive from work, and instead of sitting on my phone, I put it down. I won’t lie, it was extremely uncomfortable, but in a good way. I can’t tell you how many funny looks I got just because I was sitting alone and looking around the room at the artwork, the televisions, the beer menu, etc., instead of staring at my phone screen. How could I have the audacity to do such a thing?!

I’m not saying that using your phone is a bad thing—it is this incredible piece of technology that gives us SO many ways to communicate, research, and so much more. I’m simply saying there are unhealthy ways of using it, I know because I am a prime example. I won’t try and give advice on how to change the way you use it, only you know what’s best for you. I will say as a reminder, however, that we are all wandering humans living and trying to figure out our life. Social media can be a positive place to share and connect with others, but at the end of the day our life should not revolve around it or our phones in general. So, I do suggest taking a moment (or many) to put the phone down-- you'll be surprised what it feels like to live admiring the moment instead of the phone screen.